dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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