I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
