I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
