I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
