So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
