no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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