Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
