Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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