I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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