I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
