To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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