what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
