The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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