If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
