Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need to calm my uterus...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
