I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
