You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
