Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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