You made me cry and you don't even care
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
