im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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