apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
