my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
