she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
