..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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