I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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