please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
