my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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