the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize