That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
