walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
