Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
