Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
