so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
