smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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