So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
