I just pynch a tree in the face
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
