The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
