She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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