Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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