she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
