I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
