We're like a lot better than the average bears
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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