all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
