i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
