just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
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