just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
