She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
