don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
