just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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