My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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