since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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