I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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