At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
