yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
