He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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