2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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