So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
