I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just gargled with NyQuil
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
