my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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