and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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