So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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