Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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