there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
