Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
