How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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