Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
