I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
