Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
