i just had sex bonerless
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
