yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
